He Would Be Standing Here Right Now
by FlickerInTheDark
Summary: Philip Hamilton has just been shot. He is told he may visit three people on Earth. Who will he visit?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Another multichapter story! This story will bend timelines. If characters are around that seem out of place, I did it for a reason. All characters look like the original Broadway cast except Philip looks like Anthony Ramos and John Laurens looks like Chicago Hamilton's Jose Ramos. It is implied John Lauren's dad is homophobic. This is just a fictional depiction of Heaven not meant to conform to any particular faith. Please enjoy!**

I woke up. I seemed to be on a battlefield. I just died and was standing on a battle felid I didn't know. I remember very clearly being shot. Suddenly I saw my parent's tears. I had been dying on the doctor's table. My father had said I did "everything just right". I suddenly broke down. I was gone from my family; I left the two best people on Earth to suffer my loss. How would my brothers and sisters cope?

I then felt a soft hand on my shoulder.

"Hey kid, why are you crying?" a man said. I felt like I should know this man but I hadn't the slightest clue.

"Excuse me?" I asked. The man was tall and was dressed in military uniform. It looked like my father's. _Did this man know my father?_

"It would be just like Alexander to not share my glory," the man continued laughing. He seemed to be laughing at some personal joke.

"I'm really sorry I don't know who you are."

"Oh shit, you really don't know who I am," the man stopped laughing and looked apologetic, "I am John Laurens."

It came back. I knew a little about him. My father always spoke of the good time he had with this Mr. Laurens during the war. There was a trio of them and they had been good friends. Lafayette and Hercules Mulligan I had remembered seeing when I was very small.

"Oh," I said holding my hand out to shake, "I suppose you know who I am then."

"Ah just like your father, so formal. Yes I know you Philip." John shook his hand firmly.

"What are you doing here? I'm dead aren't I?" I asked looking around.

"You are indeed dead. But never fear I am here son," John smiled.

"Don't call me son."

"Again just like Alexander."

"Why do you keep saying I'm like pops? I am my own man but bolder."

"You are that. But that's also what got you here," John pointed out.

John Laurens had a point. Damn my impulsivity! This man was not trying to be rude. It was true. I never really thought about what I would do, I only thought what my father would do.

"So, I am dead," I paused. What was I supposed to do in this instant? They didn't teach this at boarding school. That was now two things my school didn't care to teach me: dueling and death.

"Yes. But don't look so sad. You can do a great many things while you're here."

"Like?"

"Well, you can go down on Earth and visit them. You can choose let them see you or not see you. But there are limit of course, you may visit only three people and you can only visit each person once alone. Also, you have a set amount of time you can be with them. I do not know how long but it is enough time to finish your business."

"That seems fair."

I knew exactly who I would visit, my mother and my father but who else?

"When can I visit?"

"At any time. But remember you can only visit them once, are you sure you want to now?"

"Yes sir. Sir, if you don't mind my asking who did you visit?"

"Ah, I visited my father. I did it to scare the living daylight's out of him. I knocked stuff over and wrote creepy messages on the walls. I visited Hercules and Lafayette. I imagine you father heard stories of them seeing me. Of course your father would doubt any ghost sightings."

"Why did you scare your father?"

"He never accepted me. Always thought I wasn't living up to the name."

"Well, I am sorry," I said.

"No worries. Now knowing you are Alexander's son, you will be wanting to go down now right?"

I nodded.

"All you must do is will yourself to be on Earth and it will be," John Lauren's said kindly, "When you finish you will be brought back here. I shall wait for you."

"Why are you telling me this? You barely know me and you're helping me."

"You father prayed for me to watch after you. Besides I couldn't leave you alone to figure this out like I did."

It touched me that my father would care about me even when I was dead. So I did what John Laurens said. I was going to visit my father first. I hope I wouldn't give my father a heart attack.


	2. Chapter 2

I had somehow ended up in my family's home. I realized it was no longer my home in the moment. I was standing in my father's office. It was neat which was odd. I knew when he was distressed he would clean. But is saddened me to see my father had no new writing, no stacks of finished manuscripts. I didn't want his lack of writing be due to me. I knew what damage he could do with his writing but I also knew what greatness could come. I am sure he had brilliant ideas and those ideas should be released for the world. But that wasn't why I was here. I was here to talk to him.

I stood in the room, wondering what I was supposed to do. _Was I supposed to find him?_ I had no idea where I might find him, because I was still new at this dead business. I didn't know how long I could wait. I decided to pick up a piece of paper and write him a note. Just then a door opened and I dropped the paper. Just like when I was a kid and snuck in, I immediately panicked. My father was never overly strict but I was to stay out of his office.

My father wearing all black looked tired. He seemed to have aged and dark circles were under his eyes. I had not seen him like this since he was trying to get his plan though congress.

He came in and slumped in his chair, which I had to jump out off. His eyes were red and his hair seemed to be much whiter. I was wondering if I would look like that if I had lived. But that wasn't important.

I needed him to see me but I couldn't just show up in front of him. My father would be in denial and logic a answer for why I wasn't there. I had to make my entrance carefully.

I noticed the eulogy on his desk; he had just set it down and the words unintelligible. I knocked the paper to the ground, as if it were simply a breeze. Of course my father noticed this, he was focused on everything even in his grief. He picked the paper up and I was standing there.

"Hey pops," I said with a small wave. I had not idea what I was supposed to do in this instance, what does one do when they rematerialize? Just standing there seemed wrong and just running up to him to embrace him seemed fake.

"Philip?" he said his breath catching.

"Yeah it is me. Your son." We stood there looking at each other, neither of us breathing which was easy for me.

"Pops, you might need to take a breath at some point," I said coming closer to him. I was trying to joke and lighten the mood because I had no idea what else I could do.

"No, I must be hallucinating! I am being foolish. My son is not here." My father just kept staring at me. He stood up and walked around me.

"No pops I'm here! The afterlife isn't like what we thought. It's nice, you get the chance to revisit people," I said placing a hand on my father's shoulder so he would stop circling me.

"No it can't be. This makes no sense."

"I know. I don't get it much. But hey I met John Laurens. He said you prayed he would help me in the afterlife. So he did."

"John… how is he?"

"He seems fine. He said he played tricks on your other two friends."

"Lafayette and Hercules. So the weren't lying. But son why are you here? How long are you here?"

"I don't really know my time limit."

"Your mother needs to see this!" he said running from the room.

He came back with my mother, who was still crying. She came in the room and looked in the direction of where I was.

"Alexander, if this is some cruel trick I don't know what you are trying to achieve," she said jerking her hand from his and leaving.

"But dear! I swear he is standing he right now! I thought you would smile," he said hopelessly.

"Just stop!" I heard her yell down the hall. She looked so worn out by it all. I could imagine how she felt. It would seem evil to promise your dead son and see nothing. I knew for a brief instant she hoped and maybe even believed I was there.

"Son what are you doing? How can I see you?"

"I don't know the rules, but I think only the one I intend to see can see me. But don't worry pop, I will visit her."

"Son, I am so sorry! Please forgive me!" he said coming to me and clutching my hands. He was kneeling like when I as small. I was now towering over him and my father seemed to fully grasp I was here.

"Pops, don't blame yourself. I was the one who got into that argument. You played no part."

"I do blame myself! I handed you my gun! If I had known, I wouldn't have let you out of my sight."

"You didn't know."

"I did everything to try and raise you the best I could. I never told you but I never had a father. I had no Idea what I was doing. I don't pretend to know what I am doing. I thought I was doing right by you," he sobbed.

"Pops, don't cry on my account. What is done is done."

"If I could have spared your life, I could have traded your life for mine. Your mother would smile and that would be enough."

"But you can't do that. That isn't how the world works," I said. For once I was supplying the reasonable answer.

"I sent you away far too much. I shouldn't have sent you away to boarding school so young."

"But what else could you do? It is only expected that I go since you are the great Alexander Hamilton."

"Your poor mother is quite broken by everything I have done. I only wish you could be here. We could be a family," he said hands on my shoulders.

"Just know I blame you for nothing, I wish I could have killed that Eacker! I know you said to have someone's blood on your hands was something you couldn't shake but I could handle it. I could handle it if it meant I was here."

"You are my son. So noble and a little too much like me," he smiled.

I began to feel weak; I think I was about to leave. I couldn't be sick if I was dead.

"Pops I think I have to go," I said backing away.

"Son please don't leave again!" he nearly wailed. I hated to bring pain to him but it seemed that I must. I wouldn't if I had any control.

"Don't worry about me pops! I will wait for you! Just be there for the other children, they need you," I gasped as I noticed I was dissolving.

"Yes son. Always."

I was gone then. I hoped I had brought some solace to my father. He needed it, I knew how rough this was. He lost so much in his life and now me.

I saw then John Lauren's surveying the field.

"You have returned!" he exclaimed.

"I have," I said wiping a tear away.

"I know it's hard to go back. But do you feel better?"

"I suppose so. The time is so short, I mean why can't I stay longer?"

"It is only meant to bring peace and nothing more, or exact revenge, but I suppose that brings at least one of us peace," John mused.

"So when can I go back?" I asked eagerly.

"Whenever you wish. My first two visits I did with an hour of each other. But my last, my father, I waited until it was the anniversary of my death to scare him," John chuckled. He apparently hated his father and relished in remembering that night.

"So I can go back now?"

"Yes."

I knew I had to see my mother quickly so she wouldn't be mad at my father any longer. I had to let her know I was fine.

"I will be back," I said turning to John.

"I'll be here," he said turning back to look at the skyline.


	3. Chapter 3

Again I was on Earth. This time I was outside my mother's room. It had been their room before the scandal. But after, my father began to sleep in his office. There was no good way to do this so I simply knocked.

"Alexander, not now."

I knocked again and entered. I know she would not want me entering but there was no other way. She was in bed, crying. It looked as if she had not moved in a while. Her hair was neat as always. She always was proud of her hair. Her eyes were red like fathers. She was in a nightgown and she looked so thin.

"Not now!" she cried not looking up.

"Ma," I said gently moving by her bedside.

"Not now Philip," she said with her head buried in her hands. I noticed she had said my name out of habit. I could be rather annoying as a child and sometimes she would say that.

"Ma, I'm here."

She then looked up at me and her face went white. She said nothing. She and my father were so similar when it came to shock, frozen disbelief.

"Mama," I said like I used to. She had to know it was me.

"No. All of this grief and isolation is causing visions. I am going crazy." So she had been alone all this time and most likely by choice. I had to make sure she wasn't going to continue on like this. Isolation is no good for anyone.

"Listen I do not know how much time I have but I have time to visit you one last time," I recited. I told her my restrictions and what I was doing and after she finally started to breathe normally again. I was glad, any more hyperventilating and she would have passed out and then how would I tell her anything?

"My son!" she said trying to cup her hands around my face, "You're so cold! Let me get you a blanket"

"Don't worry ma, I'm warm enough." I didn't want her to go to the extra effort when nothing would warm me. I didn't feel cold.

"He wasn't lying," she said quietly.

She must have noticed my confused face and said, "When your father claimed you had visited he wasn't crazy."

"No. But I understand why you would think that. He is an insane man," I laughed trying to make a joke, "When was that exactly?"

"3 weeks ago."

"Ma! You have to forget about me and live your life! Please don't let your life be sad on my account!"

"How can't I? You were my first son! My baby forever!"

"You must!" I murmured.

"We are expecting another child." She looked down at her stomach.

"That's wonderful!" The house needed a new life to brighten it up.

"We are naming it after you." My mouth went dry. This was certainly unexpected to say the least.

"Ma, you don't have to. Thinking of this child will only bring you sadness if it has my name. Besides what if it is a girl?"

"I'm pretty sure it is a boy. I've had six children so should know by know. And Philip, we are naming him not out of some expectation he will be you. We would be selfish tot so so. But we want him to have a proud name, that the noble men in this family have held."

"I don't expect you to be completely happy now or next week. But I want you to move on. I'm safe now. You don't have to worry about me. Besides you have a new child."

"You sound just like you did when you were 7. Philip I've missed you." She tried to embrace me again.

"Promise me. Please!"

"Yes. I promise."

I then heard my father. He knocked and when he entered he smiled at her. He was bringing her what looked like lunch.

"Eliza are you alright?" he asked worried and setting down the tray.

"Alexander. You were right those three weeks ago. Our son is here!" she exclaimed.

My father looked around. Of course he couldn't see me but he smiled.

"Philip's here?"

"Yes I was just talking to him! He looks 19 and just as handsome. Just like you love!" she sighed. She kissed him them. By the look on my father's face, they haven't kissed each other in a while.

"Eliza I am so sorry again," his shoulder were slumped. He still looked full of remorse.

I knew my mother still held a bit resentment for his actions but since talking to her I think she was making small steps.

"So I wasn't crazy…" my father muttered under his breath.

My father addressed the room at large, "Philip if you are still here, just know I still miss and love you still."

I began to feel the feeling like I was fading. I had done my job. It was up to them if they wanted to move past. But they seemed like things were going to be fine eventually. They certainly seemed better than before.

"Ma I have to go," I called out. I didn't want to disrupt this moment but it seems I had to.

"Philip! I love you baby! Please be safe!" she called out gripping what remained of my misty hands.

"I will ma. Please forget about me and be happy!" I called out. The last thing I saw was my parents embracing each other and my mother pointing in my direction. It saddened me so much.

I would see them both again and hopefully next time they were both happy. It seemed a bit cruel that they could only see me for a little bit. They were such good people and deserved to have a bit more time. But I guess that's the whole point of the lessons I was supposed to impart.

My eyes opened and I was back on in the spirit realm. Again John Lauren's was standing atop the hill. I climbed up to join him.

"How was your second visit?" he asked turning to me.

"Well. I think this visit was bit more productive. My mother needed to see me. I think I reassured her."

"That's the whole point. I wish I had imparted more sage wisdom but it is too fun to prank people," he chuckled. I could see why my father would be friends with him. They had the same sense of humor.

I decided I would wait a bit before my next visit. I had to think about who I would see next.

A/N: I know the time line between Philip's death and Philip jr.'s birth don't match up. But for the sake of this story I moved the time gap closer. Also I created Tumblr under the same name. There isn't much up now but there will be soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N: Note this chapter may triggering. Mentions of depression and possible self-harm.**

I was lying in the field I first landed in. Who knows how long I was there. Time is funny here, I felt like it had only been a few days. I just lay there watching the sun rise and set. As a child, I loved to lie in the fields of my grandfather's where we went every summer. I loved to watch the clouds and somehow the grass seemed softer, even though that was foolish. I didn't realize the passage of time until John came up to me.

"Are you going to use your last visit anyone soon?" he asked.

"What do you mean? I just returned a few days ago." I propped myself up on one elbow and looked up. He knelt down so neither of us had to crane our necks.

"I do not have the best grasp of time myself, but I do believe up here time moves slower here than it does down on earth," he said inspecting his rifle.

"So?"

"Well, I can't be sure but I do believe if you do not get a move on everyone worth visiting will be dead."

"Well, I can't be sure but I do believe if you do not get a move on everyone worth visiting will be dead."

"Oh goodness!" I bolted up. He was right, the last time I had been down it had been a few weeks when it had only felt a few moments.

Without saying goodbye I willed myself back on Earth, I knew who I was going to visit.

I found myself in a room I did not know. I must have been gone a while because it seemed my family moved. It did not matter; this afterlife seemed to put me in the right spot.

I waited and surveyed my surroundings. It looked like a nursery or bedroom for a boy between 5-8. I was going to visit the child my mother said she had named after me.

Then I heard the familiar pounding of feet and in came a boy no older than 7. He seemed out of breath and he was said, "I'll grab the kite!"

He ran straight through me before he saw me. "Who are you?" he asked as I turned to look at him. He was clutching a blue kite, my blue kite from when I was small. "Hello, Philip. My name is Philip." I knelt down to look at him. It was eerie how much I could see

"Hello, Philip. My name is Philip." I knelt down to look at him. It was eerie how much I could see myself in him. His curly brown hair and his unkempt appearance made me nostalgic for the simpler times.

"You're dead. Mama said so. She said you got shot." He even sounded like me. I was always so blunt just like my father and now he was carrying on the family tradition.

"I am."

"Why are you here? Mama said she saw you and that you told her things that saved her from despair."

"Well, I came to visit you so you know who you were named for."

Philip wiped his nose on his sleeve. "I came because I have something to ask you. Can you do something for me?"

He nodded. "I want you to be smart. Not smart like father or me but smart in your own way. Don't try to make a legacy, it will only hurt you. If you are meant to be great you will be but do not go out of your way to prove something that in the end is meaningless."

Philip cocked his head. I realized he might be a bit young for mother or father to have told him everything. "Philip I know this makes no sense, but I want you to understand your name holds power, do not use it for ill. Be who you are and don't feel you need to follow the family name."

"yes." Philip was looking at me intensely, same serious eyes.

"And can you do one more thing for me?"

"Is it hard?"

"No, it's very easy. I want you to look after mother and father for me okay? Make sure they do not get too sad." Philip considered this slowly and nodded.

"Philip, tell me how is Angelica doing?" I had been torn for a while who my last person would be. Angelica and I had been very close as children. She had been the first one to greet me home from boarding school and she was the one I comforted during thunderstorms.

"Want to see something?" I asked after a few seconds

"Sure."

Philip motioned and I followed. "Where are we going?" I was not aware I could move around this much.

"You'll see." As we walked I said, "Want to see a trick?" Philip nodded and I floated through a wall. To be honest I was not sure I could actually do that. I had read books about ghosts and ghouls and never had the chance to try. This amused Philip. He laughed so hard I was worried he might turn blue and faint.

Finally, we came to a door. Philip knocked and when he heard no response he opened the door.

"Angelica look who is here!" In an instant, I realized what was happening.

"I should have mentioned, I can only visit one last person and that was you. No one else can see me."

"Philip?" Angelica was sitting at a small piano. She was so gaunt, so frail. Her eyes had dark circles and her fingers were playing a simple melody.

"Philip she can't see me," I said sadly.

"Philip! You're alive!" Angelica rose from her chair shakily and started to walk towards me.

"Angie..." I tried to stop her before she failed to touch me. As expected her hands went straight through me. She looked at her hands in shock and tried to caress my face.

"Angie, I'm not all here. I am amazed you can even see me!"

"God is good! He brought you back," she exclaimed.

"No… no. I think you should sit down." I said this both because my sister looked so frail I thought she might snap from standing so long and also because I had to think of a way to tell her my situation. I had hesitated to visit her. I didn't want to make her grief worse. As children, she was like our mother, empathy coursing through her veins. She cried at every unpleasant thing. She cried when she stepped on an ant and cried harder when I had scrapped my knee.

When we were finally settled in our perspective chairs she seemed to brighten. Her dark circles under eyes seemed almost invisible and she seemed to look a bit stronger. Guilt washed over me. I knew the second I left she would return to her same disheveled state. I wish I could stay. I would do anything to make sure she was going to be all right. But I don't think I could.

She sat there beaming at me. I tried to smile back. I fiddled with my hands thinking about what to say. As children, we babbled nonstop about all sorts of things. Sometimes silly nonsense other times serious stuff. The kind of things mother and father might not understand. She understood that I didn't really want to become a lawyer. I understood when she told me she felt the same attraction to girls as she did with boys.

"So," I said.

"Well, since you… you." Her voice broke and the light left her again.

"Angie," I came over to her and knelt in front of her. I moved to grasp her hands but pulled back remember all she would feel is cold. "Angie listen," I told her about my situation.

"So you weren't going to visit me?"

"If I had known I get to see more than one person on this visit I would have visited you right away. But I thought it would be better for you if I could just be forgotten."

"Forget you?" She sounded angry.

"Don't dwell on me."

Her fists were clenched tightly. "How can I ever forget you? You are my brother, my best friend! When that man shot you I thought I would die. I thought all of the light in the world was gone!"

"Listen to me. Do not hurt yourself because of me! I couldn't live with that knowledge. You can't hurt yourself for your sake! I love you and mother and father love you."

She looked at me. She seemed empty.

"Angie, I never meant to leave you. It hurts me beyond belief to see how much I hurt you. Please try to move past that horrid event. Besides you have mother and father, please let them help you! I can't do much and being here with you is all I can do," I begged.

"They try. But memories of you consume me. Everyday I play the same songs we used to on the piano." She then reached over to the piano and played a simple tune. The same tune ma taught me. _Un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit neuf._

"Please listen to me. I will be destroyed inside if you spend the rest of your life in grief over me. Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"You could stay?" she asked hopefully.

"I wish I could." I saw her face fall again.

"Why?"

"Life is meant to be a one-time event. That's why it is so special. If we lived forever we would never know just how special life and the people we know are."

I could suddenly see her whole life flash before my eyes. She was not going to recover from this. Angie would continue to play the piano and stay in this room. She was so far gone in this state that nothing would likely bring her out. This mental collapse was my may seem irrational but nothing could convince me of my otherwise. Even if I could stay she would only think about me. She had a life to live and I had robbed her of it. "Perhaps small step. Go outside. You used to love running around," I said

"Perhaps small step. Go outside. You used to love running around," I said hopelessly.

"If I leave then more bad stuff will happen. I wasn't home when you came home and look what happened." She feared if she wasn't home the rest of her life would crumble and swallow her up.

"Nothing bad will happen," I consoled. I understood her fear. Something like what happened to me can destroy people. I was proud that she was alive. I had known people who killed themselves after such a tragedy. "Listen," I began to feel the pull to leave, "I am so proud of you for living

"Listen," I began to feel the pull to leave, "I am so proud of you for living through my tragedy. I do not think I could manage if anything happened to you! You are strong. Remember that? You were named after our bold and courageous aunt. You must try and forget me and live your life as it was meant. Remember all of those weddings you planned for yourself? Remember your dreams to be a teacher?"

"I can't! I can't without you!" she wailed, "I will wait for you!"

Suddenly I felt myself leaving. I saw Philip out of the corner of my eye and called out, "Remember to look after them!" That was all I could say before I was gone. The last thing I heard was my sister's screams.

I was back in that weird afterlife. I sank to the ground and punched the ground. Why did I keep hurting these I loved? I had gotten myself killed and now my sister was inconsolable. She was lost and nothing was going to help her. Why couldn't I have just seen Philip? Why did I have to make things worse? She was never going to forget this and now she would wait around for me to return when I knew I never could.

I thought when I visited people I was supposed to help them in some way. Maybe I could only better 3 people. This last visit seemed a cruel joke. Why was I allowed a fourth person only to end up devastating her?

I could only hope Philip would help them past my death. It was all I could hope for. But it wasn't his job to clean up after me. He shouldn't be saddled with my legacy.

Why did legacy end up hurting my family?

 **Philip and his sister were very close. Angelica Hamilton was never the same after her brother. Look it up, I tried to capture her grief the best I could. As a person who has not experienced such a loss, I only hope I could capture a glimmer of her despair and loss. There will be an epilogue... just you wait!**


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